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Right now, the Parsis are promising me an old-fashioned Oaxaca drink, but it could have been any of the other 2,000 drinks, if only I had the ingredients. Among the drinks of “Oaxaca” alone, we probably also have “flower”, “golden” and “tail”. The Barsys promises nearly 50 vintage versions, and over 70 mule versions. (The third option for a cocktail machine is… Beef from Black & Deckeruses Partesian capsules with a different device design. It’s probably been discontinued according to the cast, but it’s still there Available on Amazon.)
The whole thing is absolutely ridiculous, my friends assured me when I sent them videos showing the Parsis forcefully spitting ingredients into a cup, its magnetic bottom swirling the liquid inside into an icy, frothy vortex.
“I’m embarrassed to watch this,” my WIRED editor wrote.
“This is so stupid,” echoed one friend, before adding: “You should definitely bring it.”
no one truly Needs a machine to make a decent cocktail of course. But you might want one anyway. I have a theory, that big idea you sometimes hear in small bars. The promise of an automatic cocktail machine is neither ease nor necessity nor even benefit. It is, instead, excitement. It’s fun. This will make today different from yesterday. It’s that little bit of dumb wit that makes your neighbor happy about your visit, gives people something to talk about at a holiday party, or keeps your partner mildly entertained after a Tuesday that kind of sucks the life out of her.
With the holiday party season upon us, here’s how to choose between two flawed but rather fun cocktail machines. Machines that reflect the life in which they are immersed.
Best for Parties: The Barsys 360
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Photo: Matthew Corvage
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Photo: Matthew Corvage
Wired
- The machine pours very accurate measurements by weight
- The phone app suggests any of 2,000 cocktails, depending on the ingredients
- Sounds great, doesn’t it?
exhausted
- Cleaning, washing and changing ingredients takes a lot of effort
- The app can be buggy, and difficult to navigate
- It’s a trivial thing. Cleaning, again
The Barsys 360 is a flashy machine, literally. Choose your drink from the device’s phone app, and the machine will light up like a disco or bowling alley. The Parsis pour a powerful, aggressive spray—an impressively accurate one to three-hundredths of an ounce, by my scale.
As you pour your drink, the machine’s lights will change from white to blue to green when your cocktail is ready. And if you have also purchased Parsis Blender Glass ($45) Using the magnetic spinner, the cup will now spin your drink, ice and all, at great speed, spinning your tropical diamonds into green-lit foam. raucous! Glowing, spinning drink!
We’re firmly in party trick territory here. God, this is stupid. And fun. And stupid. If you keep it on your kitchen counter, it might cause you to make a lot of drinks just because you can, and because you filled the cupboards anyway. This can be dangerous on a work night.