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It’s been another long week without Trump’s phone, but he’s not the only nonexistent phone I have to worry about. Robotic vacuum cleaner maker Dreame has announced its own range of phones that are unlikely to ever be released, and one of them takes the Trump phone playbook and cranks it up to 11.
Another point in Dreame’s defense is that it was at least showing off actual phones at its launch event, which is more than I can say for Trump Mobile so far. Its phones are ambitious, too, even if that’s part of the reason I’m confident they’ll never launch. One is a modular device with a detachable action camera and AI-powered accessories, but the other is arguably weird: the Aurora Lux is supposed to be available in some ridiculous way. 29 different designsMost of them are plated with precious stones, gold, or both.
They come with names that are as unusual as their designs. The Axiom Shield looks like a Pixel 10 wrapped in snakeskin. The Luxe Loop Sanctuary wraps a ring of sparkling gemstones around the giant circular camera island. The imperial totem appears to include a shining peacock. And yes, a lot Including gold: Trump Mobile must blame itself for not introducing the Golden Age, which is the design that covers the phone in gold engraved with diamonds and turns the gem-studded camera island into a golden analog clock. It’s the Trump aesthetic everywhere.
It’s not just phones that have outperformed Trump Mobile. Dreame’s flashy launch in San Franciscofull of models, Rocket carsAnd Steve Wozniak, in stark contrast to Trump Mobile. On that day, almost a year ago, he witnessed three middle-aged executives crammed onto a small stage with Don Jr. and Eric Trump in a poorly lit room in New York’s Trump Tower. Why would a robot vacuum company be able to project more glitz and glamor than a Trump company?
The Dreame phones and their launch event have the kind of ambition that the boring mid-range T1 phone lacks. If you’re going to market the idea of a phone, make it at least one arousing one.
I don’t think I’ll be writing weekly about the continued absence of Dreame devices, because they don’t have that extra closeness to political affinity that makes the Trump Mobile so compelling to stare at. And so far at least, Dreame isn’t trying to get a $100 deposit for phones that may never be released, which is a point in its favor. Besides, if Dreame can beat the odds and put one of its fancy, gem-encrusted phones in my hand before Trump Mobile does, I’ll be making my year.
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