What is “toxic positivity”? We asked an expert

At some point in your life, you may have read or heard about the importance of being positive and always focused on the bright side. But to be positive all the time may not be the best way in each situation. We are all human, and for this reason, we all have a variety of feelings that we test daily. These feelings can be happy, sad, angry, shame, pride, envy and more. Nothing should be embarrassing because it is just part of a person. We all have our good days and even bad days. One of the most important things we can do is express our true feelings of our loved ones.

But sometimes people may not respond in the best way. For example, if you are going through a difficult time and have some negative feelings and the person you talk to tells you only to remain positive in response, it may not be useful as they think. This is called “toxic positivity”, and it can negatively affect you and make it actually difficult to address your feelings properly.

To learn more about the effects of toxic positivity, I spoke with Michelle Lino, a licensed and host psychologist The mind matters with Dr. Michel.

What is toxic positivity?

“The toxic positivity generally includes rejecting negative feelings in favor of focusing only on that positivity,” Lino said. If you talk to someone who faces a difficult time, but it expresses the positivity only in return, which sets aside his real feelings, he is likely to suffer from toxic positivity.

We can apply this to ourselves or each other, and it is often learned as social features. For example, you may have heard phrases such as “tightening; they are not so bad” or “just a smile and transcend it.” These phrases are not necessarily used as a toxic positive; The communications can have a heavy empty, but ideas in these phrases strongly represent how toxic positivity can appear.

In many cases, toxic positive may be a form of gas lighting as well. the The American Psychological Association “Gaslight” defines as “to address another person in doubting his perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.” Suppose you are trying to make yourself or another person you feel irrational and unreasonable because of negative feelings instead of positive emotions. In this case, you may participate in both toxic positivity and gas lighting.

“When using toxic positivity in the relationship, it may resemble gas, as the partners may use it to control and manipulate conditions,” Lino said.

Separata is a phenomenon similar to toxic positivity, but not always extreme. It is often used synonymous, but it can express bright factors from a position where negative feelings are reduced but not ignored. On the other hand, toxic positivity tends to exercise more pressure to devote completely negative emotions in favor of positive emotions. Lino said that these two apparents are very similar: “They discourage real feelings and may cause emotional distress. They do not want to deal with your” negative “feelings, so they discourage you from discussing them.”

How to become positive?

It is often difficult for people to realize the depth of their emotions. Lino says positivity can become toxic “when it is used to hide real feelings.” It continues to highlight how this person suffocates and leads to more negativity and not less. She said: “Prevention that you are happy when you cannot make you feel exhausted and anxious … However, internal tension will grow until there is a solution. How you feel that you must show behavioral or physical behavior (or both).”

Signs of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity focuses on rejecting negativity in favor of positivity, even when it is unrealistic to do so (especially when it is unrealistic). As a result, most of the toxic positive indicators will reflect this style of avoiding and re -guidance. How these signs reveal themselves in others against ourselves or our environment, like the workplace, can vary but objectively similar. The primary difference becomes one of the toxic positivity and the goal. We can do this for ourselves and each other and receive this from our environment (think about the stickers of encouragement in the workplace).

Lino included the following signs of toxic positivity:

• “The inability to accept the feelings of the individual as it is.” This is a strong indication of ourselves that we apply toxic positive and not allowing our negative emotions.
• “Feeling uncomfortable with your emotions.” This is difficult because many feelings are difficult, and many people feel uncomfortable with their feelings. However, if this discomfort leads you to calm your negative feelings, which is very positive from your positive factors instead, you are likely to pressure to toxic positivity.
• “Refusing to try another person because she feels negative.” If a person refuses to try you purely because it is negative, they are likely to apply toxic positivity. The idea that your experience should be positive by nature without a substitute for negative possibility is a strong example of toxic positivity.
• “A person is accused of being very sensitive or lack of thick skin because it is annoying.” Which means that a person is less inferior or “not strong enough” due to a negative experience or emotion is the peak of toxic positive. The idea here is an effective shame and avoids someone to try anything less than positive, and it is in itself, very toxic.

The effects of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity can be a set of effects, negative in general, paradox as it might be. According to Leno, people with toxic positivity may feel “ignoring, less unrelated … it could be the case. The cause or exacerbation of anxiety And depression. It can reduce our ability to overcome because we are essentially wandering with pretending that there is nothing wrong. Others may see our interactions as fake and similar to the interface. “

In an individual, This can avoid emotional growth and contribute to increased coercion times. Regardless of the extent to which our emotions avoid, they will find a way to appear. In general, the more we start to treat it, the better.

in a relationship , Toxic positivity can easily contribute to the imbalances of the relationship, lighting gas and avoid doing a difficult emotional action together. As a result, the ties of that relationship may be weaker than that, and the general health of the relationship and individuals may suffer. At the workplace, it can be a toxic positive Increase the rate of exhaustionIt requires a degree of emotional perfection that does not exist.

In each situation, toxic positivity can reduce the functions and welfare of those concerned.

“While encouraging someone to look at the positive aspects of the situation seems not harmful at a glance, rejecting his current feelings may make them feel more frustrated,” said Lino. “Disclosure is a way to emotional treatment. We need to feel our feelings and know that it is valid.”

How to deal with toxic positivity

When it comes to dealing with toxic positivity, Lino says: “There is nothing wrong with embracing positivity but not in the danger of originality. First, acknowledge the issue. Second, think about your feelings. Finally, think about possible solutions.” This recipe can help individuals confront and address their negative feelings and experience while seeking positive, but without imposing them or denying their difficulties.

Lino said that when he faces toxic positivity, “Being directly is the best. If someone suggests that you deny your feelings, tell them that this does not suit you. We can also mention,” I noticed that this makes you uncomfortable, and I will not talk to you about it. “In essence, you have the right to get your feelings, as well as they, but none of you have the right to dictate the feelings of others. The line between the police and emotions is often difficult, but it must be clear with the effort.

If your experience in the toxic positivity grows very enough, you may want it Talk to a mental health expert. Lino told me that the signs of access to this point “include extreme anxiety, sadness, fatigue, avoidance and inability to overcome moderate tension or change and difficulty around others because they are not” happy “enough …”

Toxic positive alternatives

Since toxic positivity is such clear things that should be avoided, we should look at some alternative methods of our emotions that may encourage health results. This experience will intentionally include and address our negative feelings and experiences. They will also focus on moving towards positive. However, the difference between a healthy and open pursuit of positive positivity against toxic positivity is very important. This difference is mainly contained whether one is facing and dealing with negative on the way to positivity or attempts to suppress and ignore negativity in favor of positivity.

Feel your feelings, good or bad

Lino said: “Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings is good or bad, more healthy than trying to suppress them,” Lino said. The idea here is that regardless of what we are going through and pass through, we must recognize it and work through it. When we ignore or suppress our feelings, they don’t go anywhere. They still influence us on several levels, but we have become less noticeable because we have mentioned internally that these feelings do not exist.

Perhaps I noticed that when you decided to be emotionally, it does not tend to work smoothly. We do not get immediate and direct control over our emotions. In many ways, Emotions are internal operations that occur to us Are things that must be experienced instead of dictating?

However, we can distort our long -term experiences by doing healthy emotional work. When we face and address our experiences, we maintain a healthier emotional basis line with less accumulation than negative and with less self -pressure. This creates an internal environment more suitable for positive experiences. In short, allowing yourself to experience your negative feelings, frankly, may lead to a long -term positive feelings.

Although there are several ways people talk about a healthy relationship with your feelings as a healthier alternative to toxic positivity, they are summarized in the same basic idea: you feel your feelings, good or bad. Some methods, such as treatment or contemplationIt may have unique structures that help individuals on these goals, but all the healthy alternatives to the toxic positivity shares the same focus.

The bottom line

Toxic positivity is when a person focuses on positivity while avoiding negative to such negative experiences that can be considered a violation. We can apply toxic positivity to ourselves, each other and even instill in our social environments.

The main problem with toxic positivity is that it focuses on avoiding a wide range of real feelings in favor of denial and repression and devoting unreliable positivity. Long -term consequences can be harmful to individuals, relationships and groups at many levels. A more healthy alternative to the toxic positivity includes the experience of our feelings, good or bad, allowing ourselves to see and treat them original.